jump

I'm sitting on the balcony, listening to the waves hug the shore, while lightning flickers, here in Pattaya. I've always felt comfort when I'm close the ocean. Its like home. I feel inspired by the depth of the ocean, which I find surprising as I fear open water. Perhaps that fear is absolute acknowledgement of it's power and beauty.

I know I'm on the tip of great change. This is a period I'll look back on and think to myself, fondly, that I really just followed my heart and soul. I don't doubt that it will be an adventure. I can be honest and say this is probably not the most logical way to spend the next few months of my life. But, the loss of the most wonderful woman I ever knew has forced me to think differently about how I govern my life. I want to seize opportunities and I want to trust in my ability to make everything wonderful. It is fitting that this bout of change fell into place on the 6th month mark of the loss of her... the very day.

I feel that I must make deals with myself. I operate in contra. I will gift myself the next 4-5 months (at least) in Europe, so long as I progress with certain goals that have been only flickers in my imagination. Here they are, in all their bland glory:

1) Create a proper Flickr account that I update regularly and before Facebook. I'm not sure how I want to organise this (whether I put all of my photos I take on here, or make it more of a favourite selection - to be decided)

2) Take consistently better photos - to achieve this I think I need to take more photos and to also trade the 28 1.8 for a 35L (which may be impossible in Europe, we'll see). I would like to get somewhere with my photography, I love it. Fingers crossed my future little bros like their picture taken and I can practice on them.

3) Create a proper website to showcase aforementioned photos - this isn't such a huge priority, but I feel it would be totally badass if I had my own website.

4) Be consistent, regular and exciting on my blog. I have a lot to say and I think my life is kind of far away from mainstream - so it should be interesting to read. It's definitely going to get a heap more crazy if I wind up in a small village two hours from Prague, where no one speaks English!

5) Learn Czech... a good friend has suggested this is a pretty dumb idea, but I'm not so sure. Perhaps it wont be at all helpful outside of CR, but it'll be good for my tiny little town and I'm sure they will appreciate my efforts. I think it would be advantageous if I wind up in Korea in the Jan intake, to have tried to learn another language and to have fought some of the battles my future students might meet.

6) Figure out how to make billions off the Internet... Okay, maybe not billions, but nerdynormad is making some serious cashdollars from it, so why can't I? I like writing, I'm sure I could make some websites... I think this is a good idea. I just need to think of some good topics and get started building content (and being consistent). I feel a Moleskin is an essential purchase for this project.

7) Start writing travel articles. I've been to a few places, now. I've got some sweet pics (disclaimer: in my opinion) I've got a long way to go both in terms of my writing and photography, but I'm getting to a level I can be proud of. I need to push myself further and get my content out there. That includes little tasks, such as sending in an entry to Jetstar's travel writing section. I'm also planning to do a monthly trip somewhere around Europe while I'm there, so this would be a fantastic time to start.

8) Exercise. This is key. I'm starting to feel terrible. My skin has become awful here (what did I do to you, Asia?) I'm not so flexible, not at all toned and I'm squishy in places I didn't know you could be squishy. Must run, do pilates and yoga. Lots!

9) Focus more on being happy and living in the moment. I really want to be one of those people who are remembered for making people feel good. When I spend time with people I want them to feel like they're the most important person in the universe. I think I probably need to talk less, too.

10) SMILE MORE! This is key.

So, if I run away to just outside of Prague for a few months (which may or may not have been partially inspired by a wonderful man who is too caught up in the corporate ladder to really entertain me in Europe) and make progress on these goals, then I don't think it's such a bad idea, after all. In fact, I think it's kind of wonderful.

I'll be Skyping with the family today or tomorrow. Hopefully I can charm their pants off. Wish me luck (and some love) xx

Ps. The photo above, I took in Ha Long Bay, of my friend jumping off the boat sums up exactly how I feel right now.

crossroads

So the plan was to come to Asia, travel a while and then to go to South Korea to teach English. I'm a big believer in signs and there being some kind of path already written for me. I think it's certainly possible to deviate from this path and to take things into your own hands. But, for me, it seems I get an overwhelming sense of peace when I realign with it; whenever I trust in this universe enough to let things fall into place.

I met two wonderful guys when I was in Singapore and ended up joining them on most of their adventure through KL, Cambodia Vietnam and Thailand. They were both so much fun and we were a perfect fit together. I was fond of one of the guys and we became close. Saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things I've had to do: it felt really unnatural. For whatever reason, Korea has not worked out. If it had gone to plan, I would not have been able to join the lads for their trip to Thailand and my heart would still be rigid and entirely selfish.

I've lost the momentum and the desire to be in Korea now. So, with much consideration, I've come up with an alternative. Being an au pair in Europe is something I've wanted to do for many years, although I honestly had not anticipated doing it so soon. I've been in touch with seven lovely families in or near Prague and I'm just sorting through now trying to see who would be a good match for me. According to my recruitment agency going to Korea now is still an option and I could get my contract any day now, but I'm not excited. I've made it clear to each of the families that I'd like to have a four month contract, potentially extendable if I prefer it over applying for the Jan/Feb intake in SK.

It's all very sudden, but it feels right. I don't believe I'm considering moving to Prague to be with this guy; I'm not interested in putting that much strain and pressure on our friendship. While we were hanging out I was quite frustrated that things could not progress naturally because there was always a limitation. Moving to Prague is as much about me exploring a little part of Europe as it is letting his and my friendship develop however it will. I've done a lot of soul searching these past two days and I can confidently say if nothing comes of it, I wont be disappointed; I'll be glad I got to test things out.

It's crazy (but super cool) to think I could be living in Europe in a month! I feel like I'm really living; I'm listening to my soul and feeding it whatever it craves. This is good.

two thousand and eleven

I had every intention of keeping this blog well maintained. I wanted it to be a record of all that I did and saw while away. I've learned that my happiness is inversely proportionate to how much time I spend on facebook (and blogging) and as such I am not sad that I've been so infrequent in my updates. It's because I've been living my travels instead of documenting them. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm almost thankful I've been slack. Almost.

Bangkok was a gem. I didn't expect to like it. There was so much going on and every corner had something worth exploring. After Nicole left, I met up with Rich, Mark and Jade. We decided to travel to Chiang Mai together. The Thai are very fond of Chiang Mai. Frequently I was asked when I was going there, and for how long. It was a fairly long sleeper bus from Bangkok (10 hours?) and before we'd properly left Bangkok Jade had to get off the bus because he wasn't feeling very well, Mark escorted him to the hospital. Rich and I continued to Chiang Mai, feeling pretty disorientated especially being down two. We recharged in Chiang Mai. I got three massages, two pedicures, two manicures and two facials. It probably cost less than one of any of those back home. A little spoiled.

My favourite part of my time in Chiang Mai was either the Thai cooking course we did (I learned to cook a curry- from scratch! Pad Thai, Tom Yum, Basil Chicken and Mango sticky rice) or the Trek. Our Trek was a three day affair. The first day was a light trek to Jumbo elephant camp. We rode the elephants - which I am still undecided on whether I actually enjoyed it or not; the elephants had to carry us up pretty steep hills, which I can't imagine was too fun for them. And the seats on their back were very uncomfortable. There was a little pond and hammocks which we chilled out by, it was very relaxing. After some drinking, Black Pancake and some camp fire songs, Rich and I went and fed the elephants at midnight. I'm not sure whether we were actually allowed to, but it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Elephants are big. I was literally cuddling one of them, Samantha, around the trunk. She could have done some serious damage to me if she wanted, but I think she was quite happy with the midnight snacks. After exhausting their food supply we sat under the stars (which was so different to in NZ) and counted shooting stars. It was all kinds of amazing.

The second day we had a substantial trek to the top of a hill. A big hill. A massive hill. My red bull concentrate didn't carry me as well as I'd hoped. It was exhausting, but once we'd finally made it we were all pretty proud of ourselves. We were "staying with a hill top tribe" but really it meant we were staying in tourist accommodation on top of a hill near a tribe. Unfortunately we weren't introduced to the tribe and it made things a little awkward. I originally went out with my camera and a group of 6 boys, but found that it was too intimidating to really capture anything worth while. I split from the group and played with the kids. I met this little girl who started jumping when she saw me; so I jumped too. Then whenever we saw each other, we'd both start jumping and giggling. It made no sense, but it was absolutely lovely. It a little heart breaking to see little children playing with fire, in clothes that were painted with dirt. I just wanted to steal them and take them back to NZ.

The third day of the trek was a bit more adventurous. We went on a big walk to a water fall. I excelled in the white water rafting - not so much so in the floating in the river - or the bamboo rafting. It was a bunch of fun but by the end of it we were ready to go back to the hostel and recharge.

eleven days

I've been here eleven days. Eleven magical days.

Thailand is so different to New Zealand. I was greeted at Phuket airport by hundreds of Thai trying to offer me Minibuses, limos, private taxis to various destinations. I made my way to a mini bus counter and handed over 150 baht to get to Patong. I'd only planned to go to Patong because two Germans I loved from the hostel in Sydney were staying there; I'd hoped to meet up with them.

The mini bus took over an hour to be ready, not without a few attempts to make me pay more for it to leave sooner. I made friends with a couple from Brisbane who shared much wisdom regarding Bangkok. We hadn't even driven for five minutes before the mini van pulled into some tourist shop and we were forced to get out. After ten hours of transit, this is the last thing you want. I told them I was staying with a friend and I didn't need any products.

Arriving in Patong was a shock. I have never traveled to a third world country before and while it is a pretty developed place, the contrast is really hard to deal with. You see people making homes on the side walk, an entire family on a scooter, and so many poor, homeless animals. The hostel I stayed at in Patong was lovely. I stayed longer just because the hosts were so nice. They'd walk around and give you back rubs, prop pillows up behind you when you were laying down and melt you with their smiles.

I asked the ladies working at reception where was good to eat. A girl around my age, named "Apple" (not sure how it's spelled in Thai) grabbed me by the hand and ushered me through the crowds of people. She took me to her favourite food stall. She ordered my meal in Thai for me, and refused to let me pay. We sat at the diner table eating, while fireworks exploded along the beach. It was a beautiful way to say Hello to Thailand.





Patong was all about adjustment. I spent a bit of time on the beach. I went for a lot of walks. I smiled a lot. I found my own favourite restaurant and returned there so many times, but always alone. Eventually they asked if I had any friends. I responded by dragging someone from the hostel down there for some Pad Thai. I mistakenly told a man who had a stall that I was from New Zealand. Every time I walked down that stretch of road I'd heard him yell out "VEGEMITE, VEGEMITE!!!". I had marriage proposals. I communicated with so many people through a serious of nods and smiles. I went out drinking a few times with some lads from my hostel.

I caught a ferry to Phi Phi on a whim. The guy I'd hung out with a bit from Patong had gone there. It was the most beautiful boat ride I've ever been on. Stayed at the cheapest and worst hostel I've ever seen. It's called "the rock" and that might just be because the mattresses are actually made of wood. The toilets didn't flush; you had to use a bucket. The showers weren't hot; I showered with bottle water. It was pretty horrific, but thankfully I met some awesome people there. I went out for dinner and drinks with a few of my room mates and ended up tango dancing on a table top. Smearing UV paint over a friend, and then deciding it would be the BEST idea to run into the ocean and push each other around. Completely oblivious to the fact this friend had a camera, which was obviously destroyed. Whooops.



I spent a lot of time lounging around on the beach on Phi Phi. I decided I probably should go a bit further North. I had to find somewhere nice to sit my interview for University. Phi Phi accommodation was too expensive, so I headed for Koh Phangan. I caught the 10am ferry alone, and would up on the final leg of my trip bumping into my English friends. We met a lovely Canadian girl as we were exiting and decided to share a Tuk Tuk to a hotel. Nicole and I booked in a room together, as she'd kindly offered to vacate for an hour while I Skyke'd. Our time in Koh Phangan wasn't really productive. We spent a little too much time eating at the resort's restaurant, which honestly was quite average. It had a pool though and I even had a little swim.

My interview went really well and so we decided to celebrate. After a round of "ring of fire" we played a few incriminating drinking games. We headed to the beach and I wound up far too boozed. The crowd of people there wasn't particularly nice. Eventually I found my self lost, extremely disorientated and all alone in the thick of the forest. After a few hours of epic concentration I found my way home. Nicole was star fished on her bed, and there was puddles of water all over the floor. I decided not to ask too many questions.

After that epic fail of an evening I decided it was time to leave and booked a trip to Bangkok. 14 hour of transit and a bit of neck cramp later, Nicole and I arrived in Bangkok at 6am. We couldn't check into our room until 2pm, so wandered around Siam sqaure. We checked out the cultural museum, which honestly has to be a highlight of my trip so far. The cultural museum is sort of a Ponsonby-ish area, with flashy cafes and boutique stores. I bought myself a cute little elephant wallet, and perhaps the most delicious ice cream of my life. Our evening was spent getting completely lost in China town and sampling as many foods as we could. We'd half a little serving from a street store and then find a make shift table and chairs right in the hustle and bustle of it all. It was a lot of fun.





Our last day together was spent mostly at the Weekend markets, which are honestly insane. 15,000 stores. So many awesome stores. I'm going to have to go back there again before I leave to buy gifts. We had the most amazing timing for being in Bangkok, yesterday was the King's birthday so we enjoyed a nice lantern-lit dinner together and heading off towards the park/bridge to watch thousands of lanterns be set off into the distance. The fireworks were stunning and it was absolutely heart warming seeing the Thai people are their pride for their King. Banana pancakes were our chosen dessert. We decided to say goodbye with a token manicure together. I think that's one of the hardest things about traveling, is having to say good bye and knowing it's very unlikely you'll see them again soon. I'm just so thankful I met her. She was such a generous soul and a ton of fun!

I made my way back to my hostel and caught up on some sleep. I'm meeting up with the English boys for dinner tonight which will be nice. I think I'll go a photo mission soon.

I'm absolutely in love with the Thai smile. I feel so absolutely at peace right now. I am happy, and carefree. I keep pausing to myself, breathing deeply (not too deeply in BKK's pollution) and feeling very very fortunate.

xx