goosebumps

This song gives me goosebumps. In a good way. I could listen to it on repeat forever. It is a little creepy that the lyrics are "I was afraid I'd eat your brains."

I'm feeling a little funny today. A little distant. I've decided to spend the weekend at home in Pocatky with the boys. Trying to find out more information on this visa business.

When I've spoken to friends from home about how much I adore Prague, a few of them have said something along the lines that "you love everywhere you go" - which isn't quite true, I've got a list of a few places I wouldn't/couldn't live... but I am learning to find beauty in everything.

The leaves are turning crimson. I've never been a fan of winter, but I'm looking forward to the snow. And I think having Zara helps, too.

I've spruced up my blog a little bit. Let me know if you like it :-)

xx

Deactivated

I decided to get rid of Facebook for a little while. I'm not sure it'll be so long, because I appreciate it has it's uses. When you're far away from home, like I am, it's tempting to spend your time "catching up" on whatever everyone else is doing... I'm away but I don't necessarily want to miss out on anything. That's the choice I made when I left, though, I chose to miss out on things back home, in exchange for whatever here could offer me.

Coming to the Czech Republic was a fast decision, there was a catalyst. I've just found out I can only legally be here three months (I thought it was six) and reading those words made my heart sink: for me, because I want to be here longer. I'm going to look into applying for the youth visa which gives me 12 months here. I want to see Prague covered in snow and I want to see her flirting with blossoms.

I'm enjoying the time to be still and to process this last year. My mind keeps drifting back to India. It was the most abrasive place I've ever traveled to. I posted about my first thoughts and feelings towards India here. I went to the World Press Photography Exhibition in Prague and I stood in the gallery casually hurrying away tears. There was a photo of someone who had been killed in Haiti and it just made everything that happened in Christchurch a little too real for me. At the bottom of that sadness I found inspiration. I want to learn to be a better photographer so I can tell the stories of those who can't tell their own.

My camera's in the store being fixed. I still feel a little lost without it.

So, it's really broken.

My camera's broken, my memory card reader's broken (shame, I have a super cute cowboy photo of Miky) and I'm just going to give up on it for a while. I'll get it repaired soon enough.

I've been thinking a lot. Those big thoughts that usually creep up on you when your covers are pulled up and it's dark out. When you're alone and your thoughts consume you. I feel a little anxious about being so carefree. I'm a little of jealous (only a teeny bit) of those friends who are leaping forward in their careers; working hard and will, presumably, be rewarded hard for it. I wish I had something that linear that I could work towards. Sometimes I think focus makes things easier; clearer. I wish it was as simple as going to university, studying what I want and then kicking ass at it.

I'm in that awkward headspace, where I know I could really do anything if I committed to it. I could do Law (and be a mean bitch) or I could do Engineering or I could go back to Genetics and maybe even save the world. But, for whatever reason, those things don't appeal to me enough for me to commit to them -- to really live and breathe them forever.

The things I dream of, the things I'm in love with, are more abstract. I'd like to be a photographer, but I'd like to capture the world and it's people, not things. I'd like to be a writer, to capture my world. I'd like to be a travel writer, to share our world. And of course, I'd like to volunteer more, so I can help the world (or at least one person). I don't know how to progress in any of those things, and I guess, in the biggest way, being an au pair for now is a way to help time stand still, so I can think and figure it out.

This little picture is too sweet and reminded me to slow down and not worry so much. I'm happy, I'm healthy. I'm a little too far away from those who I love, but Prague will be my playground for the next few months, while I let time stand still. I first saw it here.

Ps. I think I'm going to start writing a book. Not sure if I'll finish. Not sure if I'll share. But, a book!

in love

I spent the weekend in Prague. It's official; I'm in love. These photos do it no justice, and I'm looking forward to having a camera I can consistently take photos with. Prague's beauty reminds me of Paris, but it's more laid back and a lot more affordable.

I went to a few galleries, did a little shopping, watched a Czech movie, had beer that arrived to your table on a train (so amazing), saw some Czech cover bands, ate in a hipster restaurant (having dessert for lunch, yes), sat by the river in the sun, walked along Charles' Bridge at night (best time), had a traditional Czech dinner with a handsome European (cream on gravy!?) and then went on a road trip to Terezin, a former Jewish concentration camp. I've never been to any sort of war related memorial in Europe before, and I left Terezin with the same speechless nauseous feeling I first encountered in the War Remnants museum in Saigon, Vietnam. I think it's important to explore the history of a country, even the most awful and upsetting history.

I came to Czech Republic to get answers about something I was confused about. I'm not sure I got those answers. As we drove through Prague heading to Jihlava, I announced that Prague was a city I wanted to live in - that I didn't want to go to Korea in February as I want to be here. It's a city I want to know well, I want to know where the coolest cafes are and best galleries are. I want to search out the hidden authentic places in a sea of tourist traps.

I caught a train from Jihlava to Pocatky, except I missed my stop. Ended up 40 mins away from home with no way to get back. My host family's father had taken the car to Prague - the other's in for repairs - so it meant that no one could come get me. My awesome road trip friend from Prague drove 1 hour and twenty minutes to get me and drove me all the way home. I couldn't believe his kindness... and within that time frame my mind did a complete 180. I should go to Korea, for a year. So, I'm as confused as before I came... but I'm happy!

Can't wait to go back to Prague - I know I should explore more of Europe but I like the idea of being very with familiar this dreamy city.