Cave Girl

So, a few friends have been asking about my eating plan at the moment. Basically, I'm a big believer in Science and the fact that our bodies simply haven't evolved as fast as our diet has. Most people in Western countries are fat; they are struggling with their weight and rushing to the gym, spending more money, on getting thin. This is not healthy, mentally or otherwise.

I employ two techniques that have helped me lose weight over the past six weeks. It's not just that I have lost weight, but I have gained muscle and am starting to look toned, despite the fact I've been to the gym about six times total (mostly in the past two weeks haha).

I am intermittent fasting and I am eating paleo.

Intermittent fasting means that I don't eat breakfast. Most people say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but most people are fat... so? Is this really true? I don't think so. Your cortisol levels are a lot more sensitive in the morning, in fact they are 10 times more sensitive than a few hours later, say around 11am. This means that when you eat in the morning, your body is much more likely to have a glucose spike and that will cause you to be hungry, much hungrier than if you ate later in the day.

Pretend you were a caveman, or cavelady, because our bodies are still this primitive. What would happen first thing in the morning? Would you rush to the fridge and grab a couple of slices of processed bread and spread some processed spread on them? Nope. You'd fast, until your caveman goes out and hunts something delicious for you. You'd be fasting, you would spend the morning of your day working or hunting without food, until maybe lunch time when you would then eat.

And you know what would happen? You'd be fine! The first few days I skipped breakfast I felt weird... but it made me a lot more conscious of my eating. No longer was I getting up in the morning and just shoving anything I could find into my mouth. I was actively analysing my food; whether it had any nutritional value and what benefit I would get from eating it. No more mindless eating.


The other bonus is obviously there's a calorie deficit  Which means that it's harder to go above a good number of calories for you on a daily basis. This also means you can enjoy eating out occasionally without feeling guilt or overanalysing your calories for the day. It gives you some breathing space.


Now, I eat paleo which means that I avoid things that my cavelady or caveman friends would not be able to find. I avoid dairy, although I have 1-2 servings a week. I avoid bread (processed), rice, potatoes, pasta and anything that comes in a package... really. When I go to the supermarket I hover around the meat and vege section and that's basically it. Most of my carbs come from sweet potato and my diet is relatively high protein.

I think of the nutrition content of anything - what is bread? It's basically just a dense bit of energy. If I have extra fat on my body, do I need this bread? No. So I don't eat it. Sometimes I'll have chocolate, I'll drink occasionally but the weird thing I noticed was that my body no longer craved shit things. My body wants good food. I feel stronger, clearer and thinner. I look better.

It's the simplest thing; eating how our bodies evolved. Feeding it what it needs, rather than what your mind wants. I avoid white processed sugar, as it is only energy and hold no real value for my body.

I implement one cheat day a week, although it isn't strict and I'm very flexible. In the first four weeks I lost about 6ks, from 67kgs down to 61. At present I'm not really dropping weight, although I have noticed that my body keeps reshaping. I can see lines where my abs are, muscles in my arms and overall I just feel better.

It's working for me, I'm not sure it would work for everyone, but I can't see why not.

Upwards

Matters of the heart hurt.

Emotions run deep within all of us, surfacing at the worst of times.

One of my weaknesses is that I can get lost in things; the beauty of sunshine, the chant of monks as dawn breaks, the fleetingness of a moment and the passion shared with another; the possibility in all of that.


They say fools rush in. I seem to jump in, eyes closed, breath paused and I hope for the best. Most often this brings all kinds of adventures, sprinkled with happiness, soaked in experiences and with a hint of sweet knowing - knowing that it was the perfect choice, at the perfect time.


Sometimes, however, the landing isn't smooth and I seem to feel a little battered and bruised. Maybe I trusted too much; maybe I assumed too quickly or worst of all; maybe I was just wrong.

When this happens, it's hard to trust in yourself and in those decisions you made moments long ago. I'm learning, I'm learning to accept that in whatever moment I made the best decision I thought possible.

And that's all that I could ask of myself.

My motto for this year was to be kind; to have a solid foundation of kindness beneath everything. To have kind thoughts, kind feelings and kind actions.

I feel like I'm stepping, slowly, closer towards the person I want to be. To the person I need to be.

I still remember when I was 6 or 7 and I went with my grandma to our local supermarket. She never had much money, but she would always specifically choose to by World Vision sponsored products, because a few cents here and there were donated to charity. I saw her intentionally picking these out and asked why she was doing that.

She said to me,

"I'm just doing what I can to help, we all need to do as much as we can for others"

I find myself in an incredible position, right now. A fresh self-created career as a freelance writer that pays the bills and enough for me to do whatever I please. Detached from anyone and anywhere. But most of all, I find myself inspired; inspired by the words of a lady who left my life too long ago.

We all need to do as much as we can for others. 

I'm going to figure out how I can play my piece.

Of all the places I've visited, there's only one place that feels unresolved.

It's India. It's obvious.

Here's to heartache and the amazing way it rips you open and like a vacuum sucks the world of possibilites inside you.

Here's to bigger and better things.

And here's to making the world a better place.

Here, again.

It was two years ago, almost exactly I first made this blog. It was a lullaby I made for myself, to soothe through the ache of losing someone, to calm my fears as I plunged into the world of travel and it's not surprising I find myself here again - seeking comfort once again.

But things are different; there's a new heartache and instead of needing the courage to take the plunge, I need to regain my courage to stay still.

There was someone who I traveled the entire world thinking of, missing and loving. When I returned home things quickly exploded into a mess of heartache and hurt.

It went from nothing, to everything, to less than nothing within a span of five days.

But I guess it only take a second or a text to change the course of your entire life.


I sit here, trying to rearrange my thoughts, trying to make sense out of something that is founded on anything but sense and all I realise is what a different girl I am.

I'm stronger, braver and more comfortable in myself. I am just as aware of my imperfections, my fiery passion and my unsatisfiable curiosity, but these are my strengths - these are what make me more me.

I met a boy I would have stopped traveling the world for, I came home to see him and it dissolved into nothingness. Facebook deletion, a few tears and a bit of heartache and here I am wondering how everything could so easily turn into nothing.

I believe that everyone comes into your life to teach you something, to show you something or to push you towards something.

I had hoped that he would play a bigger part in my life, that all that passion and desire could turn into something incredible. But I've come to realise, quite quickly, that maybe it has already been all it was supposed to be.

I met him so that I could be pulled back to Christchurch for a summer. So that I could stop, evaluate the past two years and dig a little deeper into being myself.

It's sad... letting go. But I'm glad I met him, I glad we had whatever we did, even if it did confuse the hell out of me and I'm glad I have this time to focus on myself and what I want out of life - because somewhere along the way I got a little confused - blinded by the promise of affection.

I know the steps I have to take to realign myself; a new camera so I can see again, a new hair cut so I feel all shiny, gym, clean diet and good times with friends and family.

Part of me hopes this isn't the end, part of me hopes that there will be a second chance where we get to explore whatever we had, but a big part of me is okay if this is all it was meant to be.

What a difference two  years makes.

A letter to me

"I have found, that if you love life, life will love you back." - Arthur Rubinstein

When I left home in November 2010, I'm not sure what I was looking for. Maybe just an escape, a break from the constraints of what society had told me to do - study, work, marriage, babies, rinse and repeat, retire and then you can start doing what you want to do. Maybe I was just running away from a broken heart. I don't really know anymore.

I had no idea I'd be gone for so long. Although I had a brief stint home in February of last year because of the earthquake, and more recently just to visit again, I've been gone almost two years - it will be 23 months before I finally 'move' home.

I've learned some big lessons along the way, those that I doubt I could have learned without pushing myself well out of my comfort and into the deep unknown. 

In November 2010, when I was in Thailand, I remember feeling moved to pray. I lit some incense and sat before a temple and all that I could think to ask the universe was (I'm not religious) for the ability to find joy in unusual places.

And since then, I've found it in the strangest places.

After the devastating earthquake, I tried to learn perspective. In that, although things were awful for me in that period of time and there was so much hurt in my family, that life could still be good. I searched for a similar beauty to that found in the truth that "the ocean never stops kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it is sent away" - there's a beauty in perseverance, even more so when it's harder, when it hurts more.

Almost a year ago I was stabbed in Indonesia, which is one of the most frightening experiences of my life. A few days after the attack, I learned to forgive in a way like never before. I could understand my attackers motivations and instead of feeling resentment or anger, I just felt a blanket of contentment and appreciation; for something terrible happened and I was fine.

I'm not really sure when it happened, when exactly I fell in love with life. But somewhere along this trip, I've developed the biggest crush on my world. There's a lot of sadness in this world, but I choose not to take it on board, too often. 

I think stripping away my materialistic positions, my attachment to a tangible home and my consumer lifestyle has opened up a lot of space within me to take life in. I notice things that I never used to. I have a greater affection for sunsets, the taste of food, and how sunshine feels when it dances on your skin. It's as if all of my attachment towards things has shifted towards experiences and they have become my priority in life.

I've been living in Madrid for three weeks now. It's the second place in the world that I've moved to without visiting first and it's the second time this has been one of my wisest decisions, ever. This city is more alive than any I've visited before. There's something infectious and fun about Madrid. All of the foreigners I've met who are living here are secretly plotting ways to extend their stays. I would be too, if I didn't have something so magic waiting for me at home.

One day, I'll return. But for now I'm so grateful that I'm spending this summer in Spain. I'm loving life and it's loving me right back. 

So, this is just a little note, to remind myself all that I've learned and loved since I left.