It’s an age I never gave much attention to – it seems just like a stepping stone to a more significant milestone (twenty.five) or another place in time. But it’s what I’m calling home for the next year, so I think it’s important to set a few things straight.
I’ve changed in the past few years. I like flowers now, it’s true – but I like them alive and potted. I’d prefer a bonsai tree. Remember my love affair with coffee? Well, it’s over; the divorce is in the mail. The smell of a good brew still makes me a little weak at the knees, but I’m fighting it because I know it’s not good for me. I love tea – tea is helping me survive this bitter and cold winter. Oh winter… this year I fell in love with two things at exactly the same moment: the crunching, dipping sound that your feet make when you walk on snow and the child-like satisfaction of running in the morning and making the first prints. Every time my boots carve their portraits into the snow I feel a slight sense of ownership: this is my world.
I like men who are tall. The guys who offer to carry my bag, so I can insist on carrying it myself. I like paying the bill. I treasure that awkwardness that comes with getting to know someone. The deep unknown; whether you should plunge or to swim away. I adore men in scarves (thank you very much Europe). Letting myself get lost in the feeling of someone resting their hand on the small of my back. I’ve noticed that all Italian men, so far, smell delicious. I love friends who don’t know the meaning of distance, or refuse to let it define our friendship. I’ve learned that sinking feeling that comes when I look at a globe and see how far away New Zealand is – the furthest far away that I’ve ever seen. How can such a small place contain so much wonder and so many wonderful people? I’m looking forward to visiting home; but, absolutely equally, I’m looking forward to leaving again. I’m thankful that regardless of how dark the day is, how lonely the night, another day always greets me in the morning. Glitter is, still, cocaine for my eyes.
Only recently, it seems, did I realize how gray my eyes are – and how much I like that about them. Now I wear my hair curly more often than straight. Straight hair is reserved for two occasions: when I’m traveling so it’s more comfortable to lean back in buses/cars/trains/planes and for when I want to feel a little more dashing – oh and apparently at twenty four I use words such as dashing and charming at an uncanny rate. I don’t care so much about expensive things anymore because I know I don’t want to take them to Takeo. Ah Takeo, since I’ve left I often wonder how long you’ll keep my heart hostage there? My one guilty want is an iPhone, but I know I don’t need one. The battle of need vs want is something that I’m sure will continue forever, but I’m getting a little wiser. Wise enough to know I’ve got a lot to learn.
I still have the urge to go everywhere - it’s innate. I’m learning to accept that it’s okay to not follow the middle working class life cycle: school, high school, university, good job, good partner, good house, good babies, good life – retirement and finally getting to do those things you always wanted to – oh, but only if you make it this far. Going against the grain is harder, because there’s no obvious next step. But I’m choosing to pursue happiness and not wealth. I’m letting myself experience uncertainty instead of routine. I’m taking chances instead of wondering and maybe most importantly of all: I’m living instead of merely being alive.
Here’s to twenty four, in all its glory. Here’s to another crazy adventure, like nothing before.
This song is delicious
