Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I keep falling in love

...with the world, every day. We live in such a beautiful place. I've conditioned myself to pause to find the graffiti in hidden places, to breathe deeply to stop and smell the roses. Ironically, muting my emphasis on the materialistic has made my life seem so much richer.

I got lost in central Brisbane the other day and contemplated what constitutes happiness to me. I've grown up thinking that happiness is something that is created by way of gifts, or actions, or activities; that happiness is sought. It is quite peculiar to be happy for no particular reason. I decided that sadness is our default emotion. I have good health, freedom and independence. My life is filled with beautiful genuine people and experiences limited by my imagination. How can my default be sadness? I've actively chosen to shift my base emotion from sadness, or nothingness, to happiness. I have been smirking to myself for no particular reason. I have found myself laughing at my own misfortunes. I have been more relaxed than I can remember. I have been genuinely happy.

I still miss him with all of my heart. I am so grateful for this opportunity to get to know my self and make the changes I needed to make before opening my heart to another person.

The other day I learned that the most important and beautiful moment in your life is right now, because it's the only point in time you have control over. Yesterday's gone and tomorrow's not promised to you.

Brisbane has rekindled my love for brick walls. I would love a loft style apartment with old brick walls and white furniture. I want a big, long dining table with steel chairs where I can entertain. Next year I promise to myself that I'll be sure to celebrate thanks giving with those I adore. I have so much to be thankful and what better what to celebrate it than with good company, wine and a delicious meal. I can't think of much better.

In less than two days I'll be in Thailand. All by myself: eyes wide open. What a beautiful life I'm making.

I can't wait to get there, camera strapped to hand, to explore more xx

Friday, November 19, 2010

Love, Peace & Harmony

Sydney was amazing. It was so much fun. I definitely needed a break from the Goon. My poor liver was crying for somewhere with a slower, easier pace and Brisbane has certainly served it's purpose. Matt lives in possibly the coolest neighborhood i've ever stayed in. It's laced with awesome graffiti and a bunch of cute cafes. I've spent the past two days soul searching, sleeping in really late and eating wholesome food.

I've decided I'm not going to attend University in Jan next year. A pretty big call because I'm not sure whether or not they'll have a mid year intake, so I could be putting myself behind for a year. I need more time and space. I miss a lot of people already so I'm sure it's just gonna get worse as time goes on but I think travel is really important for me. I want to volunteer. I want to give my heart and soul to those who need it. I want to taste, see and experience new things. I want to meet new people. I want to be free for a little while longer.

I had the most amazing chats the other night with three beautiful souls. It was one of those conversations that touched the edges of everything worthwhile. I felt better for it. I'm so grateful for this insanely beautiful life I am living.

I haven't booked my outward flight yet. I think I'll head back to Sydney for a weekend of hostel fun before I head off to Thailand. I'll ponder it all for a little while longer.

I hope your world is as divine as mine.

lots of love xx

Monday, November 15, 2010


I'm loving hostel life. I'm looking forward to recharging myself at a friend's house in Brisbane. There are so many comforts I miss about having an actual home.... cleanliness is probably the main thing. But there are so many pros about being in a hostel...

There's something absolutely amazing about having a bunch of friends near by at any time, who are up for anything. I've noticed that my hostel was dominated by German travellers, which was awesome because they are always keen for some goon. There's always someone new to meet and you are all united by a genuine interest to travel and learn more about the world.

It's really refreshing being in an environment which is so free. Where people don't really have plans. We met these two lovely German girls, they hadn't got anywhere to stay so crashed with Maddi and Tyson for a night. Then they managed to hitch a 5 day drive to the Sunshine Coast with some Australian backpackers. Another guy only booked his flights into and out of Sydney and the first four days of accommodation, everything else is just whatever. This is what life should be, mostly what you want to do, and only a little of what you have to do. It's funny how content you feel when you break restrictions.

I still haven't sorted out my uni application or my flights on to Thailand. I'm still thinking about both of those things. I need to curb my spending!


Sunday, November 14, 2010


I've done exactly what this pretty little text block says. I didn't like my job, so I quit it. I've booked a few one way flights (more to come). I am meeting people and being united in our differences. I am exploring my passions. I am taking time out from what I am "supposed to do" to do what "I want to do". Because this is my life and you only get one.

I haven't set an alarm in five days. I don't have to do anything, so my days are filled with things I want to do. I am off to Brisbane in a few days, and while I am excited about that little part of my journey I am going to be very sad to be leaving Sydney. I've enjoyed spending more time with some good friends, and I've met a lot of new awesome people. I guess the thing about hostels is that no one is really here for a long time, but every one is here for a good time. It's friendships with more fun and less drama than you'd ordinarily find. Exactly what I needed right now.

I still haven't booked my flights to Thailand, it's a bit hard when the internet is sold in 15 minute blocks. I probably should sort it out soon though.

I love how uncomplicated my life is right now. I feel really free and at peace.

I am missing my friends a lot though, but as a good friend once wrote me; friendship is not being inseparable, it's being separated and knowing nothing will change :)

xx lots of love

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I feel like I’m Goldilocks, and the world is my porridge. It’s a weird analogy, but surprisingly accurate. I’m not really sure where I want to be most. I think this is probably just the sampling period of my life; I need to try as much as I can before find whatever is ‘just right’.

A lot has changed for me in the past few months. I think one of my main prior concerns was missing out on things and just being in a general rush to make sure I tick things off my life list. Now I’m concerned about settling. I don’t want mediocre. I want an adventurous life.

I’ve also learned the older I get the less I know what I want to do with my time. Maybe it’s because I’m more open to options, or because my priorities are shifting from a money-orientated life, to finding something that brings me genuine happiness. I think ideally I’d love my profession to be something I’d do for free.

First day in Sydney was pretty awesome, considering I’d had about 2 hours sleep in as many days. We did the obligatory walk around Circular Quay and found our way to the Botanic Gardens. Rob was put in his place by a flock of ducks sweeping and diving around him. Banks over here are something entirely different; they are grand and lush.

I caught a train by myself (ohh!) to Newton and met up with an old friend for a home cooked dinner (probably the last one I’ll have in a long time, so I savoured it) and mass D&Ms Had issues with the trains/buses getting home and ended up wandering the dark Sydney streets, map flailing about, post midnight. After finally arriving ‘home’ I collapsed on my bed, exhaustion concealing the uncomfortable mattress.

Hostel life is interesting. I wouldn’t describe this hostel as clean or comfortable. It’s fine though. The only really annoying attribute is the lack of working power points in the room, which is surprisingly frustrating. I wasn’t able to manipulate the shower temperature to anything above ‘freezing cold’ - I suspect that might have just been that particular shower but I am undecided.

I also found a 20 baht note in the airport. I've decided this is my meaningful money and I'm going to do something awesome with it :)

It's another beautiful day here, so off I go xx

Monday, November 8, 2010


I am not sure I'm really ready, but it's happening.

I spent the most amazing weekend catching up with friends and family. I realised this weekend that Auckland is home to me, and I'll keep that in mind when booking my return flight.

There is so much floating around in my mind right now. I can't articulate what it is like to feel everything. For the longest time I've done what I thought made the most sense, or was the best option for other people. This trip is a selfish trip; it's all about me.

I want to learn inner peace. All my jewelry, handbags and materialistic items are packed away... and off I go.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Learning to love right now

I'm a dreamer. I'm always planning something and falling in love with those distant dreams. While plans are good, and it means i'm an excellent saver, a significant consequence of planning means I tend to let moments in the here and now slip past. Each moment in your life has it's own beauty and significance because it will never happen exactly like that again.

After coming home to Christchurch for the weekend I've learned that Auckland feels like home. I'm going to keep that in mind during my adventures.

I spent $350 on my vaccinations for my planned trip to Thailand... Now I'm invested in this idea, and I need to get on to booking flights :) I still can't decide how long I'm going for or where for. I'm going to figure that out on Monday.

As a good friend said to me once: go with the flow like a dead fish, so that's exactly what i'm going to do... Minus the dead part...

three days. jeepers! I'm getting really, really excited!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I got a few cards today

One of them read "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."

As I read it, I paused. When I get onto that plane I need to be fully committed to the amazing adventure I'm about to embark on. Ready to give it to my everything. It's not often in your life these opportunities present themselves. When you're not really attached to anything anymore and you can just strip away all your possessions and do what you've always wanted to.

I want to help people. I want to document what I see. I want to record the memories I create so that I can remember them in their full, rich, glory. I want to make new friends, have new experiences, and really push myself so I can grow as a person.

Most of you who read this blog will know I lost something that I treasured recently. I've been battling with a variety of suggestions as to what I should do. "If you love something, set it free, and if it was meant to be it'll come back." but then, it was worth more to me than just letting fate take charge. So I've been confused, a lot. Whether I should try or step aside. How much space to give. In hindsight making sudden and dramatic changes to my life wasn't the smartest move... but it certainly was the most interesting. I've put all my feelings out there, and now I've just got to chin up and get on with my adventures. I'm still hoping we can resolve things, but I'm not counting on it anymore.

So when I step on that plane to go away I need to be fully committed. I need to take all of my heart.

My last day of work today, and it was so much sadder than I thought. But a good sad; the kind of sad that is a necessity to do something more satisfying and rewarding than ever before.

And so the clock is ticking, the bags are packed, my heart is a little sore, but I get to see my girls this weekend and I couldn't be more excited.

Monday, November 1, 2010

A little song of my own

So, recently I was very lucky to travel to Europe briefly. I intentionally changed the songs on my ipod before I left. I made sure I had this song.

And in my favourite places, I made sure it played to myself. So now whenever I listen to it, I get this twisted knot feeling in my tummy. It reminds me of being carefree on a bike in Amsterdam. It takes me back to the anticipation I felt on the flight into Hong Kong... gazing out the window on the surprise trip to Honfleur... feeling bright-eyed and carefree.

So on my next adventures, guess what song will be at the top of my play list?

I'm buying my back pack tomorrow. And my work's going to buy my camera bag and a spare memory card. Then I'm gonna come home and see how much I can fit into it all which is pretty exciting!

I am so ready to go home to Christchurch. I can't wait to catch up with my pretty girls. I can't wait to be in the familiar.

I think I've decided on where I'm going. It's not my first option, but it's certainly a good option. I can't wait to book and get planning. That will be awesome fun.

I can't decide whether to take my 28 + my 85 or just the 28! I guess if that's my biggest worry, I'm doing quite alright.

Does any one know where time is going? I've got seven days and most of those are spent in Christchurch.

What an adventure! xx

I hope all is well in your world

Lots and lots of love,