jump

I'm sitting on the balcony, listening to the waves hug the shore, while lightning flickers, here in Pattaya. I've always felt comfort when I'm close the ocean. Its like home. I feel inspired by the depth of the ocean, which I find surprising as I fear open water. Perhaps that fear is absolute acknowledgement of it's power and beauty.

I know I'm on the tip of great change. This is a period I'll look back on and think to myself, fondly, that I really just followed my heart and soul. I don't doubt that it will be an adventure. I can be honest and say this is probably not the most logical way to spend the next few months of my life. But, the loss of the most wonderful woman I ever knew has forced me to think differently about how I govern my life. I want to seize opportunities and I want to trust in my ability to make everything wonderful. It is fitting that this bout of change fell into place on the 6th month mark of the loss of her... the very day.

I feel that I must make deals with myself. I operate in contra. I will gift myself the next 4-5 months (at least) in Europe, so long as I progress with certain goals that have been only flickers in my imagination. Here they are, in all their bland glory:

1) Create a proper Flickr account that I update regularly and before Facebook. I'm not sure how I want to organise this (whether I put all of my photos I take on here, or make it more of a favourite selection - to be decided)

2) Take consistently better photos - to achieve this I think I need to take more photos and to also trade the 28 1.8 for a 35L (which may be impossible in Europe, we'll see). I would like to get somewhere with my photography, I love it. Fingers crossed my future little bros like their picture taken and I can practice on them.

3) Create a proper website to showcase aforementioned photos - this isn't such a huge priority, but I feel it would be totally badass if I had my own website.

4) Be consistent, regular and exciting on my blog. I have a lot to say and I think my life is kind of far away from mainstream - so it should be interesting to read. It's definitely going to get a heap more crazy if I wind up in a small village two hours from Prague, where no one speaks English!

5) Learn Czech... a good friend has suggested this is a pretty dumb idea, but I'm not so sure. Perhaps it wont be at all helpful outside of CR, but it'll be good for my tiny little town and I'm sure they will appreciate my efforts. I think it would be advantageous if I wind up in Korea in the Jan intake, to have tried to learn another language and to have fought some of the battles my future students might meet.

6) Figure out how to make billions off the Internet... Okay, maybe not billions, but nerdynormad is making some serious cashdollars from it, so why can't I? I like writing, I'm sure I could make some websites... I think this is a good idea. I just need to think of some good topics and get started building content (and being consistent). I feel a Moleskin is an essential purchase for this project.

7) Start writing travel articles. I've been to a few places, now. I've got some sweet pics (disclaimer: in my opinion) I've got a long way to go both in terms of my writing and photography, but I'm getting to a level I can be proud of. I need to push myself further and get my content out there. That includes little tasks, such as sending in an entry to Jetstar's travel writing section. I'm also planning to do a monthly trip somewhere around Europe while I'm there, so this would be a fantastic time to start.

8) Exercise. This is key. I'm starting to feel terrible. My skin has become awful here (what did I do to you, Asia?) I'm not so flexible, not at all toned and I'm squishy in places I didn't know you could be squishy. Must run, do pilates and yoga. Lots!

9) Focus more on being happy and living in the moment. I really want to be one of those people who are remembered for making people feel good. When I spend time with people I want them to feel like they're the most important person in the universe. I think I probably need to talk less, too.

10) SMILE MORE! This is key.

So, if I run away to just outside of Prague for a few months (which may or may not have been partially inspired by a wonderful man who is too caught up in the corporate ladder to really entertain me in Europe) and make progress on these goals, then I don't think it's such a bad idea, after all. In fact, I think it's kind of wonderful.

I'll be Skyping with the family today or tomorrow. Hopefully I can charm their pants off. Wish me luck (and some love) xx

Ps. The photo above, I took in Ha Long Bay, of my friend jumping off the boat sums up exactly how I feel right now.