Saturday, October 8, 2011

So, it's really broken.

My camera's broken, my memory card reader's broken (shame, I have a super cute cowboy photo of Miky) and I'm just going to give up on it for a while. I'll get it repaired soon enough.

I've been thinking a lot. Those big thoughts that usually creep up on you when your covers are pulled up and it's dark out. When you're alone and your thoughts consume you. I feel a little anxious about being so carefree. I'm a little of jealous (only a teeny bit) of those friends who are leaping forward in their careers; working hard and will, presumably, be rewarded hard for it. I wish I had something that linear that I could work towards. Sometimes I think focus makes things easier; clearer. I wish it was as simple as going to university, studying what I want and then kicking ass at it.

I'm in that awkward headspace, where I know I could really do anything if I committed to it. I could do Law (and be a mean bitch) or I could do Engineering or I could go back to Genetics and maybe even save the world. But, for whatever reason, those things don't appeal to me enough for me to commit to them -- to really live and breathe them forever.

The things I dream of, the things I'm in love with, are more abstract. I'd like to be a photographer, but I'd like to capture the world and it's people, not things. I'd like to be a writer, to capture my world. I'd like to be a travel writer, to share our world. And of course, I'd like to volunteer more, so I can help the world (or at least one person). I don't know how to progress in any of those things, and I guess, in the biggest way, being an au pair for now is a way to help time stand still, so I can think and figure it out.

This little picture is too sweet and reminded me to slow down and not worry so much. I'm happy, I'm healthy. I'm a little too far away from those who I love, but Prague will be my playground for the next few months, while I let time stand still. I first saw it here.

Ps. I think I'm going to start writing a book. Not sure if I'll finish. Not sure if I'll share. But, a book!


Taylor said...

I love this. And I think the memories spent volunteering, traveling, writing, are far stronger and more memorable than any big time career could give you. That's just my opinion.

Celia said...

You're already progressing in those things. You're photographing your travels, you're writing about it and you're helping children on the way!

Hayley said...

For every person you envy in their careers there would be at least 3 fold who envy your travel!! I start tomorrow.. and I still envy yours!!!!!